Lorelai Gilmore: "Once upon a time there was a big house, with thick glass windows and heavy stone walls and a slightly pornographic fountain in the driveway. And all the animals in the forest were scared of the house 'cause they thought that the house was haunted! And so did all the villagers in the small hamlet of Hartfordshire…ville. 'Maids go in but they never come out!' they would whisper on the street. How are we doing? One day a beautiful young cowherderess walked by the house - And suddenly she felt the unbearable need for a strand of pearls and a snifter of hundred-year-old Scotch! So, abandoning her cows, she climbed over the high walls and dropped onto the just-redone tiled walkway and rushed toward the enchanted French doors that the Queen had never been happy with because the hardware was not what she had picked and she refused to pay that idiot designer that she hired off of a recommendation and - okay, seriously, this didn't work when you were four. I am not sure why you thought it would do any good now."